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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "untitled" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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02:49 am
[Link] |
Writer's Block: Shops Gone By
Tags: stores, woolworths, writer's block
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11:34 pm
[Link] | Sorry
this journal has been
Private Only
for some time now
i know it defeats the purpose
of online journaling
but it had to be
Hey, if you really wanna hear whatsup
then IM me
my screen name should be on my profile
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03:10 am
[Link] | friends only btw
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12:56 am
[Link] | how come you werent at ymd tonight?
have we started to not talk yet?
did your friends leave early to get hang out with you?
i miss you alot.
do you still read this?
would it be totally inappropriate to text you at this hour?
would it be totally inappropriate to text you at all?
i was really depressed tonight, but i went to ymd anyways bc i didnt want to become more extra depressed, bowling cheered me up . . .
. . . i ended up having to drive you brother home . . .
i guess we started not talking? idno . . . i had something for you tonight, but u werent there.
*sigh*
i hear you might be seeing the pumpkins for the sunday night show instead of the monday night show .. new tickets new day i guess?
i bet you look really pretty right now, snuggled up in your bed, possibly reading something while wearing your purple glasses ... or sleeping peacefully, *sighhhhhhhhh* i miss everything
oh your online now. hmm, you mustve been invisible.
.... i guess ill see if i can talk to you online, love you bye.
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11:38 am
[Link] | i had three dreams
they all included us
being happy together again
it felt so warm and nice
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01:15 am
[Link] | I wish:
that i died
that iwere never born
that i died
that i died
that i died
that i died
that i died
that i didnt exist
that i werent around
that i were fucking just dead
i hate everything and everyone and everything and everyone and i wished everyone died
i want the world to end
i want fire to burn the children
i never want to be happy again
ever again
i never want to see anyone ever again
i want to be burned alive
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09:54 pm
[Link] | :'( your making me so sad
from everything.
you never show me smileys .. .
your going backstage?
is possibly backstage to pumpkins :D.
:'( i want to just die
how come udont tell me that your going out when im talking to you
should i just make belive i dont know you for the next few months?
because knowing you and watching you live your life really hurts
constantly making me break down
i want to be happy for you that you could meet your idol
but im also just ... idno ... :'( ... im just going to make believe im happy for you
i miss you so much . . . i hate talking about it online
theres just nothing i can say online. and then you -leave-
im just desroyed
i went to my brother davids house to babysit because i dont wnat to see anyone
the accusations. . . . i cant take it . . . .
i spoke to my mom today, she told me i should be honest with her
so i told her that we're waiting a few months and then seeing where we're at
i want to be with you so badly
can i have one of your old pumpkin tickets if your not using them?
ill see the show myself . . .
. . . :'(
... i thought of other people when we did stuff? ....
.. all these accusations and 'threats' and just .. everything ....
..............
how many times do you have to kick my corpse before you realize that im already dead
your just ... stabbing me over and over ...
should i not wonder where you are constantly?
should i not wish im with you at all times?
should i not be depressed?
should i not just be going along with all this complacently?
tell me waht you want from me and ill do it
ive ruined my last attempt and asked you to run away from me
you came back and said your going to try and forgive me
in a few months.
i dont feel any better yet
when im alone i still feel like a puddle of blood
no one wants to go to the concert with me
and to tell you the truth, i'm not sure i feel like
crying in front of billy corgan for 3 hours
i just went upstairs to put a little crying jack to sleep ...
... i want that to be our little boy ...
..............................................
:'(
Current Mood:  sad
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06:41 pm
[Link] | dont leave me in the dark
what are you feeling i want to talk to you
KLsflkajsfkljaslkjfalksjdf
im going crazy thinking about you
i miss you so much i just want to make sure your okay
are you at dance? is taht why your not talking to me?
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
stop it pleaseee
if you want to see me ill come out and see you for any reason
sfjasfj;
dont be hurt and cut me out like this
i care about you and im worried
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05:57 pm
[Link] | i dont know what to do or think
ive missed you all day
i just wanted to tell you
how much i missed you today
and see how your day was
but your upset
and dont want to talk
to me.
i feel very hurt
my forehead is wrinkled
i thought about you alot today
as i was driving to school
in my appa hat
listening to adore
....where are you...
"i need a hug"
if you need a hug
i can give it to you
many times over
unless your finally looking for someone new to hug
=(
i'm very sad right now
Current Mood: depressed
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12:52 am
[Link] | its worth posting.
Fear of Change.
are you okay, whatr u doing, who u with, are people being mean to you, are people hitting on you, are you still being jewish, do you still wear underpants, are you enjoying your classes, do you do things before school, after school, hows dance, do you miss me, do you know i miss you, do you write amazing things for class, do you care what i write for class, did you throw away all your old customs and ways the minute after i left you, are you a differnt person, do you act differntly, do you cuss, do you wear raunchy clothing, do you like it better without me, do you play games anymore, do you have a life now that you like being in without me, do you wonder how its gonna be when you dont know me anymore, do you even plan on knowing me. this is a fraction of the things that scare me due to change
i fear change, but i dont want to get over it. because that would mean succumbing to change. i dont want to. i dont want you to be a thong person (or a no underpants person). i dont want you to be someone who eats out and breaks shabbat for texts and computers and lights and tvs and wahtever other stupid things ppl do it for. i dont want you to live life and report all your stories to someone else. i dont want to continue reporting my stories to other people. its like i get paycheck and cash it in someone elses bank account. i dont wnat you to change. you were the most wonderful person i ever met, and i dont mean that lightly. you were the most wonderful person i ever met. ever. your but all this change is scaring (scare not scar) i mean its scarring me too, but thats another issue for another psychiatrist. i dont want you to change. i dont want it. im scared. and theres nothing i can do. you are your own person. and i have no effect on your life anymore. " i changed so much in the past 2 years" you said i changed you for the better.. .
it scares me so much
it also scares me that you dont care about things that i thought you did.
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